March 2021
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Wuv, Twue Wuv (Kid & Kathryn’s Wedding)


File this one under phrases that I never thought someone would be saying to me…

“It was a lovely service.”

Confused? Good. Allow me to elaborate.

Last year, a friend of mine from high school asked if I knew how he could track down a Justice of the Peace. He and his fiancee were planning to get married at our high school chapel and they needed someone to perform the ceremony for them. “Oh, that’s easy,” I said, “Anyone in MA can get ordained on the internet and then perform a marriage ceremony. I’m internet ordained. I could do it for you.”

File that one under “Famous Last Words.”

A couple of months ago, Kid called me up and asked if I would be willing to perform their wedding ceremony. “Sure!” I said, “are you willing to be married by an enormously pregnant lady?” Surprisingly enough, they were happy to do so. I guess knowing that two of the guests would be OB-GYNs was all the reassurance that they needed. I was tickled pink that someone trusted me enough to ask me to perform their wedding ceremony. And I’m a big fan of my friend. So I said yes.

I had two instructions: keep it short, don’t talk about Jesus. Easy peasy! Oh, by the way, nobody else is speaking. It’s all you.

Ok, that ratcheted up the pressure a bit.

We had a few video calls where we hashed out the details. I worked out a couple of compromises between the bride and groom. And then I sat down, wrote something out, and ran it by several friends to make sure that it would be OK. And then I let myself panic for a little bit.

Panicking? She is in my blood.

The weather had been nasty all week, but the morning of the wedding was full on gorgeous. A good sign, right? I got dressed with some measure of trepidation, but also with a little bit of excitement. My friend was getting married! And I was (literally) going to be right there in the middle of it.

The groom was, how can I put this? Nervous.


Which meant that, as officiant, it was my solemn duty to tell a bunch of really stupid jokes in a lame attempt to distract him.


And I was nothing if not officious.


I was aiming for a 10-15 minute ceremony. I think it ended up being closer to five minutes. But it was a lovely service. At least that’s what several nice ladies said to me afterwards. I didn’t get a laugh at the one funny line that I threw in there. And I got a hearty laugh from most of the audience for a line that I didn’t think was particularly humorous (Kristian agreed with me afterwards). I am clearly not qualified to evaluate my own qualifications as a solemnizer of wedding vows. But, the important thing is, the couple liked the ceremony. And it was legal. They got the wedding certificate in the mail to prove it.

A fair share of the loveliness can probably be attributed to the setting and not so much my blathering.


After photos (including one of alums from our high school, we had better make it to the next edition of the alumni magazine), we headed to a local Italian restaurant. I ate my weight in pasta and then had a mini cannoli and some wedding cake. The best man gave a speech that was one part toast, two parts roast. Best. Wedding. Ever.

Kid was a lot happier once the marriage was official.


Kathryn looked lovely all day long.


I really enjoyed the wedding and I loved the challenge of putting together the ceremony. My certificate of ordination will be on file with the state for a year. I think that I need to convince some more people to let me marry them.

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