Cankles! Cankles!

Kristian and I attended our very first childbirth class last night. They should really call it “Hahaha look what you’ve gotten yourselves into now” class. I particularly enjoyed the anatomy refresher. And my “enjoyed” I mean “didn’t particularly want to ponder the physics of what I’m going to be going through in 5-9 weeks but the charts and handouts pretty much left me with no choice.”

On a positive note, I found out that Kristian is contractually obligated to give me back-rubs when I go into labor. The nurse said so. And she, like, has authority and stuff.

They say that the second trimester is the honeymoon trimester, and they are seriously not kidding when they say it. I was kindof excited to officially enter my third trimester, because it means that we’re almost ready to get this show on the road. But I went from having a cute little baby bump and a decent amount of energy to swelling up like a water balloon and not being able to sleep at night. To call the water bags above my feet cankles would be an insult to cankles. And if you think that I’m exaggerating, my doctor said at my last appointment that pretty much all of the weight that I’ve gained has either been a) baby or 2) in my feet and ankles.  And she’s got a medical degree and two working eyes, so I think we can all believe her.

The swelling in my feet is so bad, they’ve switched me to weekly prenatal appointments just so they can keep monitoring me. I waddle into the doctors’ office once a week, they ask me a few questions and then they look at my swelling, compare it to my blood pressure and say, “We’re going to need to run some more test. And you’d better come back next week. The tests keep coming back normal, but my feet also keep expanding.

My lab results are always fine and I don’t have any other symptoms. Well, my blood pressure is in the normal range for a non-pregnant person but slightly elevated for a pregnant lady. But, I assure you, I’m not having any of the scary symptoms.

I had a preeclampsia scare earlier this month that turned out to be indigestion and a sinus headache. This is like the not-quite-preeclampsia, not-quite-scare that probably won’t end until I give birth. Because the simplest explanation for all of this is that it’s really effing hot out, and that I’m really effing pregnant and that the swelling is just a combination of the two. Unfortunately, the swelling isn’t going away until I either a) give birth or 2) move to Antarctica and take up residence with some penguins. So, I’m basically locked in for monitoring until Gummy Bear decides to grace us with her presence. Which should really be at least a month from now.

(You hear that Gummy Bear? This is your Mother speaking. Stay in there.)

The one advantage of weekly prenatal appointments? Weekly listening sessions to Gummy Bear’s heartbeat on the fetal Doppler. She’s doing great. And, really, that’s all that matters.