My Ears, My God

Ok, I think that Dustin is seriously trying to kill me. How else can you explain making me write about Michael Bublé. I didn’t even know who Michael Bublé was. I was a lot happier not knowing who Michael Bublé was. I just listened to some of his catalog in Rhapsody and I think that my ears are bleeding and my imaginary testicles have shriveled up and died. True story, I finished listening to him and had to crank some Guns and Roses just to get the feeling in my extremities back. It probably didn’t help that I was sitting funny and my foot fell asleep.

So, yeah, I don’t know if Dustin picked “Five Songs that Should be Covered by Michael Bublé” because he was being ironic or if it’s just because he thinks that Jack Johnson is too hard core. All I know is, I don’t want the man going near any song that I like. Ever.

He can go ahead and cover some crappy songs, though. Who cares about them? 

So, here are my songs, in order of least crappiest to most crappiest. On a scale of one to terrible, I give them all an eleven.

5. Beyonce – Diva. It’s really a tossup between this song and her other single from her album, If I were a Boy. This song wins because of the sheer stupidity of the lyrics “Na na na Diva is a female version of a hustla. Of a hustla. Of a, of a hustla.” When either of these songs comes on the radio when I’m at the gym, it makes me want to beat myself to death with a rack of free weights. 

4. Oasis – Wonderwall. Or is it Champagne Supernova? I don’t know. I can never remember which is which. They both suck. Like Clark Kent and Superman, I think that they might be one and the same. Except that Clark Kent and Superman have never sucked.

3. Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On. Ok, this one might be a little funny. I might actually want to listen to this one, just for the train wreck possibilities. 

2. Ace of Base – The Sign. Ok, this one would be downright hilarious. 

1. Right Said Fred – Too Sexy. Ok, this one would probably make me pee myself. Just a little.