Kristian and I went shopping the other day and the guy helping us out said, “Hey, your French is decent, are you Belgian?”
First of all, this is empirically hilarious. Belgium is to France as Canada is to the US (smaller and less wealthy, has a surprisingly problematic history of murdering indigenous people). Europe is simply swarming with Americans these days (gee, I wonder why). Don’t want to get caught out pretending to be Canadian? Just say you’re Belgian.
Second of all, while not everyone in Belgium speaks French, they do live in a country where quite a few people do. French ability through osmosis, right? Usually people think I’m German, where the language sounds decidedly… not French. Belgium feels like an upgrade. I’m gonna go ahead and assume that my French is improving.
Me being me, I’ve been jokingly telling everyone that I’m Belgian.
When my friend Haley and I went on a little adventure a couple of weeks ago (more on that in a later post), the women at the rental car company started calling us “the Belgian Ladies.” As in “have fun, Belgian ladies!” and “welcome back, Belgian ladies!”
And then I saw this Instagram reel and decided to make Belgium my whole personality.
(Just kidding.)
(Mostly.)
It’s an excellent time to be a fake Belgian, because everyone is super mad about the whole USA World Cup Red Card kerfuffle. I figure I can ride my bandwagon fandom all the way until the semi-finals of the World Cup. At that point, if all goes well, Belgium will be playing France and I gotta go with the home team (Allez Les Bleus!).
Fun fact: if you want to piss off a bunch of Belgians, tell them how much you love french fries. Belgium invented fries, and they’re super mad that the French get all the credit for it. The word “french” in fries actually refers to the style of chopping a vegetable into long thin strips. When I was in Ghent last fall, I trolled our entire table by saying “mmmm, I love FRENCH fries” and then dipping my fry in ketchup (Belgians tend to prefer mayonnaise as a fry dip).
Another fun fact: Belgians normally eat so many fries, their farming industry begged them to eat more potatoes during the 2020 lockdown. Now that’s some civic pride that I can get behind.
It’s a lot of fun to watch the World Cup from Europe. There are viewing options everywhere, from TVs set up in cafés to municipal viewing parties. People are generally pretty cheerful about the results (it doesn’t hurt that France has a very good chance of winning it all). It’s not as good as watching Scottish fans drink all of Boston dry in real-time, but it’s still good fun.
The one thing I’m not super into is the timing. You know, it’s incredibly rude for the US to be on such a different timezone. Here I am, minding my own business, living my best life. Then, all of a sudden I have to stay up past midnight like some sort of young person, just to watch Paraguay try their best to set a record for most times cleating an opposing team without getting a yellow card.
I told Kristian I’d watch Mexico vs England last night. He dutifully set an alarm for 2am (look, we’re in our 40s, we don’t stay up late we can help it). He woke me up, I (apparently) said “ok!” and then… promptly rolled back over and fell asleep.
It’s exhausting, really.
(We’re still going to watch Belgium vs USA tonight).
(Allez Les Diables!)
The Belgian ladies are taking over!!! ??????