Off My Christmas Card List

I would like to let the following people and organizations know that they are officially off my Christmas Card List.

The MBTA. Yeah. I know I complain about them a lot. But, for serious, it took me an extra half hour to get to work today because those fuckers were so slow. Sure, it’s probably not their fault that the roads today sucked ass. Or that my bus stop was so covered in snow that I had to stand on a snow bank to wait for the bus this morning. But I need someone to be pissed off at, so the MBTA it is.

People who don’t shovel their sidewalks. Yes, I understand that it totally blows to live on a corner lot and have to shovel an extra sidewalk or two. But you know what sucks even more? Having to wade through almost a foot of snow or walk in traffic because some lazy fucker couldn’t be bothered to shovel. If I get hit by a car or fall and break my neck because of some self-involved jackass who didn’t give a fuck about everyone else, I hope that my estate sues them for all they’re worth. And I’m totally coming back to haunt those mother-fuckers. 

People who think that, just because they drive an SUV, they don’t have to slow down for inclement weather. You know what? Driving an SUV might help you get going, but it sure as hell doesn’t help you stop. You see all those people around you driving about 10mph? They’re not driving that speed because their cars can’t get any faster in this weather. They’re driving that speed because they’re attempting to not hit anyone or anything! Well, that and some of them are weenies. But, in any case, going 30mph on an unplowed side street doesn’t show the world that you’re more manly. It just shows that you either don’t give a fuck about your car (or the people around you!) or you have very, very good insurance.

Everyone Else. This one, I actually feel very, very badly about. You see, we got more Christmas Cards than ever this year. And I don’t know if I’m going to have time to send any out. Actually, I know that I don’t have time to send any out, what with Christmas being in two days and all. Is it socially acceptable to send out New Years cards? Because I would be all over that. I fully intended to send out Christmas Cards this year.But then I spent most of Saturday taking care of Kristian’s Christmas shopping, because he hadn’t bought presents for anyone yet (apparently this extends to me as well, grrr). And then I spent all day on Sunday looking for the pedal to my sewing machine (Verdict: totally lost. Everyone who I planned to sew for is getting Christmas presents held together with staples this year). And then I realized that I was out of glue sticks. And it was snowing. And the dog so totally ate my homework.

I think that it shows real progress that I, the chronically overcommitted person that I am, was able to step back and say, “You know what? It’s 9:30pm on Sunday night. And you are missing a key tool for putting these together (glue sticks, I am so going to make Kristian buy me a 50 pack of them at Costco). Do you really want to stay up all night making cards that look like crap? Or would you rather say “I just don’t have the time to do this right now” and maybe get some sleep (ha! I still slept like crap!). 

So, cards for everyone in January (if that’s not too weird or rude). And a solid effort to reach out in someway to everyone who remembered us this year (a call is nice, yes?). 

Next year, I am putting together our Christmas cards in MARCH.