An Unexpected Trip to Dubai

When we were in the process of moving to Europe and daydreaming about all of the countries that we’d be able to visit, Dubai was not on the list. I mean, it never even occurred to me that Dubai could be on that list, what with it being halfway around the world and all. But, when some folks at work asked if I could attend a developers summit there, I was all in.

Pro tip: if you’re looking for someone who will say “Sure, I’ll fly to that country for you!” I’m pretty much always going to be your gal (warzones excluded). I love to travel and I love to explore new countries. I also somehow love staying in hotel rooms, even after all the work travel that I’ve done.

A friend of mine told me that Dubai is “Vegas without the gambling” and, honestly? She nailed it. Everything is bright and shiny, it’s incredibly over the top, and they want it all to be the biggest/tallest/fastest/etc.

You know what over-the-top flex I liked the most? The bowl of fresh fruit that was waiting for me when I first got into my hotel room.

(And it wasn’t even that schmancy of a hotel, it was a Doubletree!)

Here’s another pro tip for you: sometimes you can get an upgraded room on a high floor by watching an angry little man berate the hotel staff and then making eye contact and non-verbally communicating, “Wow, that was so uncool. I’m really sorry you have to deal with that.” Sometimes you don’t get that upgrade, but it’s still a nice human thing to do. Don’t be that angry little man, though. Being an angry little man is super not cool. My hotel was, unfortunately, full of them.

My coworkers were incredibly gracious hosts who went above and beyond to make us feel welcome and to show us around. The first night we were there, they took us to the Global Village. What is this Global Village? I’d describe it as a little bit Epcot, a little bit Vegas, a little bit no booze.

(There are, however, fireworks at the end of the night).

They have pavilions representing different countries. Most of said countries are in the Middle East, but they had a smattering of other countries from around the world. My Dad (who was on his own trip to Japan at the time) was not nearly as amused as I was when I texted him this photo and said, “Ooooh look! I’m also in Japan!”

Just in case you were wondering, Dubai appears to associate Americans almost entirely with eagles.

I texted this photo to a friend of mine who’s from Chicago and she said, “Is that ****** ketchup? On a hot dog? At a place that advertises CHICAGO hot dogs?!?!? Straight to jail.” I mean, she’s not wrong. The crime rate is so low in Dubai, people leave their phones sitting out to save their seats. But, apparently, culinary crimes are just fine.

All of the pavilions have shopping areas where you can purchase traditional goods from that country. The primary shop in the American pavilion sold…. Stanley cups, Ugg boots, and Bogg bags. You know what? No notes. They really nailed the assignment.

My favorite thing to do when you go to a place like the Global Village is to find the most unhinged stall there. And, I have to say, this one really delivered.

What is a “Mexicano Hot Dog with Raclette Cheese” exactly? I have no idea, because none of us had any interest in trying it. Zoom in, if you dare. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

We had an enormous dinner of Bosnian food. I ate so much, I thought I might never eat again. And then one of my coworkers asked if I wanted some mango sticky rice. And I came this >< close to recreating that scene from Monty Python where the mint is “wafer thin” and the guy explodes after eating it.

(If you’d listened really carefully during the explosion, you would have heard me saying, “worth it.”)

I don’t know why the mangos we get in the US are so subpar (actually, I do kinda know), but the mangos in the Middle East are almost an entirely different fruit. They’re sweeter, juicier, and more flavorful. By the end of my trip, the running joke was that I’d eat just about anything with mango in it.

Our second night there, our coworkers took us to a nice little restaurant on the water. The French are strangely anti-ice cube, which means that I’ve gotten really into Aperol Spritz. What can I say? I’m a contrarian who loves ice. It was after dark in November, but still Aperol weather. Dubai weather really did test the limits of my self-proclaimed lizard status (just put me on a rock under a heat lamp and I’ll be happy).

I learned a few “fun” facts about Dubai over dinner:

1. There is a no-tolerance policy for drinking and driving.
2. There is a service that works like Uber, except a driver comes and drives you home in your own car.
3. Instead of drink specials, “Ladies Night” means no men allowed. It’s a chance for women to take off their burqas/hijabs/niqabs/etc in public

Over dinner, we were talking about the best way for me to get to the Burj Khalifa . And then my coworkers said, “you know what? We’ll just take you.” (this happened a lot while I was there). Which is how we all ended up piling into a couple of cars and driving downtown.

You truly cannot picture the scale of the Burj Khalifa until you’ve given yourself a touch of neck strain trying to see the whole thing. I mean, it’s literally towering over me in this photo, and 1) that’s not even the whole building and b) I’m standing at the other end of the entire complex.

They also do a regular fountain show that feels simultaneously wasteful (we were surrounded by desert, after all) and really freaking cool. They’ve also outlined every window of the building with LEDs and they use said LEDs to show videos.

This is all located in the same complex as a mall that’s so fancy it feels like it should have a guest list that I’m definitely not on. Inside the mall, there is a giant aquarium. It’s the largest aquarium viewing area in the world (because everything is the largest!). It’s also full of sharks, so it got a thumbs up from me.

Our last night there, we had a chill evening listening to music by the water. Nothing earth-shattering, but one of my coworkers did help me take this really cool photo. He used the light on his phone to illuminate my cider from below. Sometimes you have to travel halfway around the world to learn a new trick.

To answer the questions I assume you all have:

• Yes, I bought Dubai chocolate
• No, you can’t have any (I gave the last of it to Lilian)
• Yes, this makes me the coolest mom ever
• Yes, the original Dubai chocolate really is delicious. The stuff you buy at a random convenience store is literally a pale imitation.

The next stop on my world tour was Singapore. To be continued!