I was riding the Red Line the other day when this dude got on carrying a giant ant farm. As in, it said “Giant Ant Farm” right there on the side of it. Also? It was giant. I waited for a stop or two, but then I just couldn’t help myself. I had to know. 
Me: “Ok, I just have to ask, what’s up with the ant farm?”
Dude: “It’s for a group project for school. I just met up with my group at a bar to pick it up.”
Me: “I can’t say that I know of many group school projects that involve both ant farms and meeting up at bars.”
It turns out, he’s getting his Master’s degree in elementary education. So he and his classmates were observing the ants before doing a lesson on them with the kids. If what I learned between Park Street and Harvard Square is any indication, he’s going to be a great teacher. A few facts about ants:
- Most worker ants only live for about 45 days, but a queen can live for something like 30 years.
- Like bees, ants all have different jobs.
- When ants find something tasty that they want to share with their colony, they leave a scent trail so that the other ants can find their way back to it (I knew that one already).
- Ant farms are surprisingly fascinating.
- The ant farm people won’t ship you a queen and all of the ants are the same age. So, one day (about 45 minutes into your class project) your students will show up and all of the ants will be dead. Surprise!
- We never really established if the “No queen for you!” policy is to protect us all from our would-be ant overlords or if it’s just a scam to get you to buy more ants after yours all die.
Also, and I feel that this is of crucial importance, my new friend informed me that I was “so totally” going to end up in his report on the whole ant farm experience. Which is like 3 whole seconds of fame. I’m so proud.
After talking with this guy for a while, I came to the realization that he might make a decent boyfriend for a certain friend of mine. But how exactly do you broach a subject like that?
“You seem nice and you clearly know a lot about ants, would you like to date my friend?”
“I’m married and totally knocked up, but can I get your number? For my friend?”
“If you like ants, you’ll loooove my friend!”
I never figured out how to ask him for his number without it coming across all creepy and weird, so I let it be. Because, you know, it’s decidedly not weird to have a lengthy discussion on the Red Line about ants… but asking for a guy’s number for a friend would be just too darn much.
And then I met said friend for dinner in Harvard Square. And then I told her the story. And then I felt like a total asshole. Because she totally would have gone out with ant guy. Who probably has a name. And it isn’t ant guy. But I don’t know what it is. Because I chickened out and never asked for his number. For my friend.
(See? Even on my blog it comes across vaguely creepy.)
Anyways, next time I meet a guy on the Red Line who is carrying an ant farm and who seems kindof nice, I’m totally going to ask him if he wants to date my friend. Also, the Red Line provides waaaaaay better blog fodder than the Orange Line and the Inner Express Bus. Combined.
awesome! so glad you talked to him.
Jennie once wanted to ask out a guy in the laundromat for me. he was putting his clothes in the dryer because of a sailing mishap. but she couldn’t figure out how to ask, either.
OMG you gotta write to one of those Missed Connections columns! I think the Phoenix does them. Maybe he’ll hook up with the lady with the snake from a few months back. Could be bad news for the ants there….
This blog is way more interesting than when Joey had an ant farm when we were kids.
Suggestion: Next time just say, “you’re really interesting and seem like a nice guy. I’m not hitting in you for me, but are you seeing someone? You aren’t? I have a friend I’d like to introduce you to.”
He’ll be flattered even if he’s dating someone. Not creepy or weird at all.
Get in touch with your inner yenta, Hope.
I sit next to a guy in class who smells like clean laundry. Every week I try to get up the exact same nerve to do the exact same thing! Maybe we should develop some, like, cool etiquette for this situation?
Mary Stella hit it on the nose. Use that line, word for word, and get your matchmakin’ on!
I’m glad I’m not the only one who couldn’t figure out what to say!
Maybe he set up a google alert for “Giant Ant Farm” and he’ll find me here… :p
I will remember that!
I wanted to print up “do you want to date my friend?” cards, but I thought that might be a bit much.
Will do!
our sister allison bought your nephew an ant farm and suggested digging up some ants from the park to fill it, which is going to happen this summer.
Awesome!