Happy 75% Off Candy Day!

So, Halloween happened.

I knew that every other girl was going to dress like Snooki this year, but I also didn’t really care. I wanted an excuse to paint my face orange and wear giant hoop earrings. Speaking of going orange – dudes are apparently all colorblind. I thought that I looked vaguely pumpkin-like and Kristian didn’t even realize that I’d changed my makeup.

All of a sudden, I understand why a guy can say “She spent two hours in the bathroom and she looks exactly the same.” And say it with a completely straight face.

Guys are somewhat clueless about women’s appearance. News at 11.

My giant, metallic, press-on nails were definitely the hit of my costume. They were a lot of fun to wear, but not so much fun from a logistical perspective. I had to work my iPhone with my knuckles, cave-woman style. And, at the end of the night, I spent a frantic twenty minutes attempting to pry them off so that I could take my contacts out without gouging my own eyes out. How do women wear these things? I couldn’t type, couldn’t fish anything out of my purse, could barely eat and  I would have made my eyes bleed if I’d given up and taken my contacts out with them still on. And they’re pretty much impossible to take off. You can’t just pull them off, because they’re basically super glued on. An acetone nail-polish remover should work, but I only had the non-acetone kind. I almost resorted to gnawing them off, like a trapped animal.

I’ve been considering getting Lasik, but who would would have known that “Almost destroyed own eyes with garish press-on nails” would be one of the entries on the “pro” column?

That stupid face I’m making in the photo above? I made it in every photo of me taken on Saturday night. I think I got a little too good at making it. I still have the giant hoop earrings. If you see any pictures of me wearing them and making that face, feel free to punch me, Snooki-style.