August 2019
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Hey, Can You Get Flo TV on the iPad?

I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed myself so much at a Super Bowl party. I mean, it wasn’t my beloved Patriots, but if another team had to win (and I’m pretty sure that a team has to win even if the Pats don’t advance past the first round), I’m glad that it was the Saints. I read today that yesterday’s telecast had the highest viewership of all time, smashing the record set by the finale of M*A*S*H. It’s like America realized that this was going to be an incredible game of football and decided to watch it.

Either that or we were all just really hoping to see the Peyton Manning Face.

I like my football games close and last night’s game definitely delivered. While the Saints did dominate the second half, it didn’t seem like a done deal until the end. I also like my football games dramatic… and this game had more drama than my junior high locker room. And that’s saying something. I went to an all girls’ school.

On the non-football side of things… I thought that the ads were pretty weak this year. I suppose that’s the natural outcome of a down economy. But… did they have to be quite so misogynistic? I laughed at the time, but if you really think back on them, a good chunk of the ads were about how men have life so hard and how women are so terrible to them and so they should be able to drive fast cars and watch TV in public to make up for it.

I’m looking at you… Flo TV. Just because my boyfriend goes shopping with me, it doesn’t mean that I’ve removed his spine.

I tried to remove his spine, but it was just too messy.

I kid.

I settled for his balls.

I keep them in a jar on my bedside table.

The jar is pink. Just to rub it in.

Seriously, though. Football is watched by an awful lot of women. And even the women I know who hate football tend to tune in to the Super Bowl just for the ads. Why would you alienate all of the (female) people who are watching a TV program just so they can watch your commercials? That’s like having a friend stop by your house to drop off dinner for you and rewarding them with a swift punch to the ovaries. And then calling her a bitch for getting mad at you for drinking all the Bud Lite at her book club meeting.

I think that Flo TV is just overcompensating. I mean, they named their product after a euphemism for menstruation. What? Was Crescent Wave TV already trademarked?

Sure, I could get all internet rage-y and send their company a strongly worded email about how my boyfriend comes shopping with me because he looooooooves me and I’m the only person in this household who watches football, THANK YOU VERY MUCH (the cats watch with me, but they’re not people and don’t count). But, you know what? I’d rather hit them where it hurts.

Which is why I am going to tell the joke, “Hey, can you get Flo TV on the iPad” until it ceases to be funny. Which will be approximately 3 weeks. Which is about 47 internet years.

I welcome you  to join me.

Sure, most of us have long since left junior high. But jokes about periods are still kindof funny.

They sure beat the hell out of most of the jokes in the ads last night.

Except the Green Police. That shit was hilarious.

2 comments to Hey, Can You Get Flo TV on the iPad?

  • Oooh, that Green Police commercial made me want to destroy the earth even faster.

  • The T-Pain one cracked me up cause I’m 12 years old and can’t stop laughing at the iPhone app.

    I thought most ads were sexist and shitty, and I have especially have a hate on for FloTV. The will.i.am remix was pretty cool, but it doesn’t make up for their other ads. I’m still bitter about the one with the kids playing nicely in the kitchen, mom’s having a nice time with them until she looks at the clock and realizes it’s 10 til 5. Then she messes up all the kids stuff, throws a glass of water in her son’s face, and looks as stressed as possible when her husband comes home, claiming she needs an hour to herself. WTF?

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