Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

So, I’m thinking about going to law school. Accent on the thinking part. The thinking part is not just for my awesome boss who apparently doesn’t like plans that involve me not working for him anymore (and, who, incidentally, reads this blog). No, I really am in the thinking stage where I went from “Hey! Wouldn’t it be cool to be a lawyer?!” to, “No, seriously, this could be a good idea but it completely and utterly terrifies me.”

I used to tell people that I was going to be a personal injury lawyer some day. Please don’t laugh. I know that there are very few children (if any) who espouse the desire to become ambulance chasers. All I wanted to do was help people who were hurt because of the negligence of others. I think that I probably watched too much daytime tv back then. My Dad tells me that I was very eloquent when explaining my reasoning behind wanting to become a shark. This didn’t stop him, however, from referring to me as the next James Sokolove.

I’m not so sure that I want to get into the business of suing people. But, I am still interested in being a lawyer. My uncle is a lawyer and he did a pretty good job of convincing me that a) I will enjoy it and b) I will be good at it. It would like to learn to be as persuasive as he is. 😉

That said, I have my doubts. It doesn’t help that the first chapter of one of the law school admissions guides that I bought basically goes like this: “Why do you want to go to law school? You won’t like it. Most people hate it. Save your money. Idiot.” I suspect that the guide attempts to scare people who are on the fence from applying. That way the odds are better for everyone else. I guess that they really can help you get into a top law school! Kindof like how I could help someone win the Miss America Pageant by convincing most of the contestants that there is more to life than swimsuit competitions.

So, I go back and forth. I plan to take the LSATs in June. And I will probably end up applying to schools. Even if it’s just to see if I’m capable of getting into Harvard Law School. But, still, I hem and haw about it.

I know that I’m only 25… but one of the main reasons that I’m not sure if this is the right thing for me to do is this: I did the math. If I apply this fall to law schools, get in and decide to go to one – I’ll be 30 when I graduate. I would like to have kids around that age. What law firm is going to want to hire a newly minted lawyer with a giant pregnant belly? Sure, it’s illegal to pass someone up just because they are hatching a little baby in their belly. But, they’re lawyers! If anybody knows how to get around the law, it’s them!

Am I really going to be forced to choose between starting a family when I want to and being successful in my career?

I’ve read articles, heard stories and talked about how women are told that they can have everything and are then brought down to earth when they realize that, when forced to choose between job and family, every choice is the wrong one. I understood, from a theoretical perspective, that this is something that happens. It just never seems as real when it’s happening to you (because, as we all know, I am the center of the universe. or something like that). Am I really going to have to choose between a job that I have talked about doing since I was knee-high to a grasshopper and passing on my awesome genes while I am still young enough to avoid bringing a walker to PTA meetings? How do you balance out the work that you need to put in to get ahead with the fact that you don’t want to miss most milestones, little league games and school plays?

I want my cake. I want to eat it too. And I don’t want all of those delicious cake-y calories to go straight to my love handles.

So, I’m taking all of the time that I have to mull things over (see, Jeff, it’s not a done deal!). Even if I take the LSATs, I don’t have to apply anywhere. Even if I apply, that doesn’t mean that I get in. Even if I get in, I can still choose not to go. Even if I go to law school, I don’t have to… Ummm, yeah, if I go to law school, I’m going to be a lawyer. Otherwise, it would be a lot more fun to blow the approximately $150,000 in tuition on something like hookers and blow. And legal fees for when I get arrested for the aforementioned hookers and blow. But there are still a lot of “ifs” before we get to that point.

I just hope that my head doesn’t explode before it comes to that.