False Alarm

The other night, my Uncle fell into a deep sleep. He was woken up in the middle of the night by a pounding on his door. He went to answer it and a flashlight beam shone into his eyes. “Excuse me sir, are you ok?” Apparently, my grandmother had called the rescue squad on him.

I can’t imagine being woken up around midnight to the sound of firemen beating down your door. Although I suppose that this would make a decent start of a porno.

Let me back things up a bit… Last week, my grandmother got sick right after we left the rehabilitation hospital where she was staying. She and a whole bunch of other residents contracted the Noro Virus. This is the same virus that had me puking every 15 minutes or so a couple of months ago. My grandmother ended up having to (briefly) go back to the hospital for an IV and some close observation.

A couple of days later, my grandfather got sick. A couple of days after that, my uncle got sick. A couple of nights ago, my grandmother woke up in a panic. My uncle was so sick! And she called him! And he didn’t answer! (See sleeping, deep; referenced above). Remembering my uncle’s near brush with death a few years ago and watching her roommate at the hospital get sicker and sicker, my grandmother decided that she had to do something.

So, she got one of the nurses to help her call 9-11 and vouch for the fact that she (my grandmother) is not a crazy person. Now, some might argue that my grandmother is, in fact, a crazy person. She might even say this herself. Hell, our whole family is pretty much mentally ill in a delightfully wacky sort of way. But, the rehab hospital does have an Alzheimer’s unit, so I imagine that the sanity bar is set fairly low.

I can only imagine the 9-11 call…

My Grandmother: I’d like to request that someone go check on my son.
9-11 Operator: And how old is your son, ma’am?
Grandma: He’s 59
Operator: Ok, and what is exactly is your concern?
Grandma: Well, he’s been throwing up. A lot.
Operator: And you’re calling from where?
Grandma: **** Rehab Hospital.
Operator: Okaaaaaaaay……
Friendly Nurse: She’s not crazy! I swear!

So, this is how my uncle found himself face to face with a group of burly firemen in the wee small hours of the morning. The women that he works with all wanted to know if the firemen were cute, but apparently he was too embarrassed about the whole situation to notice. He mostly only saw their boots. I’m sure that they were perfectly lovely boots.

Honestly, I think that my grandmother made the right call. My uncle even agreed with her (after he got a good’s night sleep). The truth of the matter is, she couldn’t get a hold with him. And he does have health problems. This won’t, however, prevent the whole family from teasing her mercilessly about this for years to come. Like I said, we’re all insane.

I just can’t get over the image of a group of firemen swarming over my uncle’s apartment.