People Search For Some Strange Shit on the Internet

These are some real search terms that people have used to get to my blog. I hope that at least a few of them stuck around. I also hope that if said people stuck around, I don’t completely offend them by making fun of their search terms…

training bra pictures
I really, really, really hope that you are a 12-year-old girl who is not quite sure how to work a training bra. Because if you are a 47-year-old man… well, that’s just creepy.

how to scrunch straight hair pictures
I get several variations of this search term a month. I don’t claim that this is the best guide out there, but I hope that people find my curly hair primer to be at least a little bit useful.

gnxonline sucks
Yes. Yes they do.

bright orange vomit
Ahhhh, the old standby. Nothing gets visitors to my site like the promise of a good story about bright orange vomit. Good times.

Sap gathering tanks
I really wish that I knew what that meant.

how to make flying spaghetti pipe cleaner
I have a feeling that spaghetti in its uncooked form is too brittle to be used to clean your pipes. And spaghetti in its cooked form is definitely too limp. If you’re trying to make a flying spaghetti monster out of pipe cleaners, I suggest that you stock up on googly-eyes. Googly-eyes make any craft project better.

accident-prone jokes
My life is just one big joke about being accident prone.

lilith fair torrent
Shame on you for pirating music. *cough* isohunt *cough*

goodmorning hair
Is this the modern update of Goodnight Moon? Possibly written by Paris Hilton? Good-morning skinny jeans. Good-morning hair. Good-morning paparazzi everywhere!

messy apartment photo
I like to pretend that my apartment never gets messy. It’s easier to keep up the pretending if you never let anyone take pictures of it in its messy state.

door knob turns but does not open stuck
Well, then you had better hope that you are as smart as I am my Dad is.

frizz away hair graffiti
If somebody has tagged your hair, I think that frizz is probably the least of your problems.

cow milking
Is much better than cow-tipping. And is a much better source of calcium. That’s all I’ve got.