Reading this blog entry got me thinking about holiday plans and how complicated they are now that I’ve become some sort of approximation of a real adult.
When I was little, getting two Christmases was the consolation gift for having our parents divorce. It was like Santa himself said, “I’m sorry that your parents split up, leaving a mom-sized hole in your heart when you’re with your dad and vice versa. But, hey, two stockings! Have some more eggnog. This whole divorce business isn’t so bad.”
Some years we were lucky and we went down to Florida with my Step-Dad to see his family and OMG JACKPOT, three Christmases!
Now that I’m older and have to negotiate the minefield that is family politics without Mom and Dad working things out between themselves, three Christmases is about two Christmases too many. If I’m feeling particularly Scrooge-ish, it’s three Christmases too many. We used to have a schedule (Thanksgiving with Mom and Christmas with Dad one year, then the next year we would switch). Now, we have a half-hearted attempt at a schedule. I try to compromise, but nobody ends up happy. Least of all Kristian, who usually ends up doing most of the driving.
Some things are set. Christmas Eve is reserved for Kristian’s family, who always celebrate on Christmas Eve, this is not up for discussion. Honestly, I LIKE having something that’s set in stone and that nobody can argue about. Everything else is up for grabs. Except that my older Sister (who I share a Mom with and not a Dad) doesn’t have much to do with the schedule. And my younger Sisters have other family commitments.
I can’t remember the last time that I spent Christmas with all three of my Sisters and that makes me sad.
I also can’t remember the last time that figuring out our Christmas schedule didn’t feel like negotiating a cease fire between Israel and Pakistan. And that makes me even sadder.
This year, we’ll be spending Christmas Eve with Kristian’s family, as usual. And then we’ll be hosting 13 people on Christmas Day at our house from my Mom’s side (gah! I don’t have enough matching plates! what have I gotten myself into?!?). And then, at some point, we’ll drive down to Connecticut to see my Dad’s family. It’s a lot of driving. It’s not a lot of time in one place. But we’ll be filled with the mother loving Christmas Spirit so help me baby Jeebus or I will be forced to shove candy canes up someone’s nose. Sideways.
I don’t mean this post as a slam against my family. The drama doesn’t come from a place of meanness or nastiness. Everyone wants to see us because they love us and that’s never a bad thing. I love Christmas and I enjoy spending it with my family. If I could, I would spend a week with all of them. A whole eggnog soaked, candy cane fueled week.
What are your Christmas travel plans? Do you ever feel pulled in more than one direction? How do you compromise?
Here’s a story I can share with you. When I was in the military, I used to come home for the holidays. I would come home for a weekend or a full week if I was lucky. I lived in different places in the country, so holidays was the ONLY time I would come home. My parents are divorced, so I totally get the two Christmas’ thing. Plus, there was my wife’s family who did a Christmas and Christmas Eve thing. And I won’t even talk about seeing my brother during the holidays, who has his own deal. I could never have the holidays at my house with everyone like I wanted because everyone had a “holiday plan” already. I eventually realized that as much as I wanted to see EVERYONE during the holidays, the important thing was that I was actually enjoying the holidays and not stressing over it. See who you can see, and as long as you and Kristian (and the cats) are enjoying each other, the rest is extra. Just my opinion from someone who understands being unintentionally pulled in directions (even though both of my parents will completely deny doing so…it’s just the tone in their voice because they really want to see you…and that’s not so bad).
Man, it’s easy to take my family for granted, but by comparison they’re so uncomplicated. I’m sorry you have so much drama.
I know that if you bring your radiant self wherever you go, it will be a merry Christmas. And the more celebrations, the more eggnog, right?
My family has always been very chill about the holidays but my husband’s family is chaos. Even without travel, it’s just nuts. One of the things my family has talked about doing is moving our family gathering to another day. We’re not religious, so the whole Christmas Eve/Day church services and stuff don’t come into play at all. We’ve talked about moving it up and doing a Winter Solstice celebration. Yule log time! I don’t know if we’ll ever really reschedule though…
Awww, sweetie. I’m sorry this is so stressful for you. Maybe you and your sisters and Dad could get together before Christmas and extend the holiday season. Here was another benefit for having a Jewish sister-in-law. J, P and the kids were always with us for Christmas. Often we’d light the menorrah at the dinner table, too.