The Home Stretch

Today, I attended my last classroom session of graduate school. I still have a research project for this Summer and a thesis to write this Fall. Oh, and a final paper for this class that makes me all twitchy just to think about.

But, hey, today was the last day that I had to show up at a set time and place to sit in a classroom with a professor and other students. From here on out, I’m responsible for my own academic progress. And I can do most of my work at home!

I’m a little terrified about the prospect of researching and writing a thesis whilst simultaneously caring for a newborn. And when I say that I’m a little terrified, I mean that I am completely and utterly freaked out of my mind at the possibility of researching and writing a thesis whilst performing the important and tricky task of keeping a tiny baby healthy and happy. Most women breastfeed and watch TV. I will be breastfeeding and using a highlighter. If our baby turns yellow, I assure you that she won’t be jaundiced. Maybe I should use a pink highlighter just in case.

The good news? I have a plan of action endorsed by a family friend who has some pretty impressive qualifications. Namely, the fact that she possesses both a PhD and children who were clearly not raised by wolves. The plan is to do all of my basic research this Fall while taking copious notes to compensate for a brain that will function something like swiss cheese. I will leave the analysis and writing for the Spring. And that’s all I’m going to say about my thesis, because talking too much about it makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and shake uncontrollably. And that’s probably not good for our baby.

But! Hey! I hit a milestone today! No more classes! I will still have books. I don’t remember too many teacher’s dirty looks, but hopefully there will be no more of those. Two out of three ain’t bad.

As I wandered across campus today, I watched as various working type people got things ready for graduation. And then I thought, “Holy shit, this is going to be for me next year.” I’ve been taking classes for so long, it was starting to feel like I was never going to finish. It was a nice moment to realize that there is an end in sight. I’m big on visualization. Every time my coursework gets difficult and I wonder if I’m going to make it, I picture myself smiling, happy and proud, putting on a cap and gown and marching through the sunshine to receive my diploma.  I’ve been picturing myself receiving that diploma for several years now. I can’t even tell you how good it felt to stand next to the stage that they were setting up and to think “I got next!”

Of course, my new visualization involves me standing in my cap and gown, holding a diploma and a baby. And feeling like the proudest mama on the face of the earth.

A year to go. I can do this.