Being pregnant is a little bit like having bizarre and somewhat annoying super powers. For example, my nails grow really, really quickly. Like, scary quickly. Which, now that I think about it, was a lame super power that Meg Griffin had on an episode of the Family Guy. I’m not sure what the biological function of quick growing nails is, but I guess I could claw my way out of anything at this point.
My hair is also growing at a rate that is quickly turning it into a long and luscious set of locks. I am enjoying it while I can, because I’m told that a good chunk of it falls out after you give birth.
I also have the ability to smell like a bloodhound. It’s pretty nifty to step onto the freight elevator at work and be able to tell the operator that you know he just finished off a bag of french fries, with no tell-tale evidence in sight. Not so nifty when you’re stuck in close proximity with a heavy smoker or someone who doesn’t use enough deodorant. Kristian and I went to a big box pet store the other day and I just about lost my damn mind.
“Kristian, I don’t wish to alarm you, but EVERYTHING IN THIS STORE IS COVERED IN A FINE LAYER OF URINE!”
Intellectually, I always knew that pets stores contain more than their fair share of animal bodily fluids. Olfactoraly, I had no idea how overwhelming it could be. Kristian just sortof looked at me like I was nuts. Which I pretty much am these days. If I chose to take advantage of it, the ability to cry at the drop of a hat could be used fairly effectively in an evil super villain sort of way.
The super smell can be annoying when the smells are nasty, but it does make me an excellent detector of spoiled milk. If Kristian isn’t sure about the carton in the fridge, he hands it to me and I can tell just from being in its general vicinity if it’s still drinkable. Which is pretty much the biological function of the pregnancy-induced super smell. You don’t want to be poisoning your unborn babies by consuming spoiled food! Our early ancestors were probably more concerned with rotting meat and the like, but I unleash my nose on our leftovers and everyone is much better off.
I believe I should mention that the ability to grow a fully-formed human being inside yourself is a pretty damn cool super power in and of itself.
OMG, pet stores. We went to a pet store that had an open “treat bar” kind of thing, full of open bins of dog biscuits. I had to leave. I went to wait in the car while James paid because I could not handle the smell.
Funny (to me) story: Before we told my family I was pregnant, my brother was over at our house, eating some weird flavor of Doritos. Some flaming taco something or other. Those Doritos smelled like smoke and ash to me and the first time he opened the bag, I proceeded to FREAK OUT thinking something was burning. No joke, I was on my hands and knees, sniffing the Playstation, positive that it was about to burst into flames. My brother thought I had lost it.
wait, because spoiled milk DOESN’T smell nasty? 😀
(fun fact: quickest way to make Peter hurk, talk about spoiled milk)
I remember that episode of Family Guy. lol, poor Meg.
LOL Hope, you don’t disappoint. Just last night I said to Perri on the phone that your pregnancy would be a source of terrific, entertaining blogs! I’m going to enjoy reading every one!
I am really, REALLY super excited for you! I don’t always comment, but I always read and I always thought I’d enjoy hanging out with you if I ever got the opportunity, and I REALLY dig babies!
Yay, babies! Yay, too many “really”s and too many “always!” Yay!
I think I remember the burning story! I don’t know that I remembered that it ended up being Doritos. Too funny!
I was convinced that my coworkers suspected something before I told them because I’d walk into the office and say “who burned something in the microwave?!?” They all thought I’d legit developed super smell. :p
It’s more like I can sniff out the milk that has engaged in some casual vandalism before it starts holding up old ladies for meth money.
I’m a little worried that people will get annoyed if I’m all “baby baby! pregnancy pregnancy!” all the time… but it’s a pretty big deal for me these days and this *is* my blog, so I’m not going to stress about it too much.
I have enough to stress about already!
Thanks for being excited! And thanks for reading.
I dig babies as well. Can’t wait to meet this one!