Today I got summoned to fix an A/V system that wouldn’t turn on. Being the good little worker bee that I am, I rushed over right away. I arrived, breathless and (let’s admit it) just a little bit sweaty, only to be told that “the system seems to think itself.” Because, I have never ever encountered technology that had the ability to spontaneously regenerate, I tend to assume that when things “fix themselves,” it means that someone didn’t know what they were doing and then figured it all out. Of course, I would never actually say that out loud. Insinuating that people aren’t so s-m-r-t tends to be seen as rude. Go figure.
In this case, I was especially glad that I smiled and said, “that’s great!” because the next thing that she said was, “while you’re here, you might as well have some petit fours.”
A nice walk outside, no real work to do and then free tea and goodies. Please, sign me up. Seriously. Why can’t my job always be like this?
Probably because I would probably end up weighing about 1800 pounds.
Dear waistline: I am very sorry for the damage that I inflicted on you today. I know that you like the way that you currently fit into my jeans. I kindof like the way that you fit into my jeans. My jeans like the way that you fit into my jeans (at least I’m assuming that this is how they feel. I don’t actually speak denim). I’m guessing that I consumed about 800 calories worth of free chocolate today. Believe me, I am really torn up about this. I should have saved some to eat later.
I sincerely hope that the damage that I did is somewhat mitigated by all of the salad that I ate today. I mean, I ate two salads today. Two! One of them had spinach in it. Real, honest to God spinach. The kind that Popeye eats. And I didn’t even smother it in Ranch dressing like other certain people (*cough* Liza *cough*). I have to get some sort of bonus points for non-ranch spinach. It’s like confession for my eating sins. Say 17 Hail Mary’s and pass the butter. It’s good for the soul.
(I am so going to Hell)
Tomorrow, I promise to be better. Nothing but organic vegetables for you, my lovely waistline. Please accept baby carrots in the spirit that they are given. And continue to shrink. Because, you know I love you, but I do wish that there was less of you to love.
remember its not how healthy you are, its how skinny you are. so start smoking more cigarettes.
skinny bitch
😛