How Not to Do Yoga: A Primer

If you really want to mess yourself up while doing yoga, I highly recommend that you show up late and out of breath. Bonus points for not being in the yoga center’s computer system because it’s just been that long since you took a class. When you ask to rent a mat, don’t bother explaining that it’s only because you couldn’t find yours and not because you don’t own one. The woman behind the desk doesn’t care. She’s already judged you to be a New Years Resolutioner and then moved on. It doesn’t matter that you’ve been faithfully and regularly going to the gym for years. When was the last time you took a yoga class? You can’t answer that. You’re probably going to fall over the first time you attempt anything more difficult than downward facing dog.

When your yoga buddy takes a look around the room and sees that everyone is incredibly fit and tiny, you should probably just go ahead and lie and say that this is a beginners class. It must be full of ringers! I didn’t pick out an intermediate class so that we could really embarrass ourselves! They’re not going to make us do head stands! Ok, so I forgot that we’ve only ever taken beginners classes. I’m going to be the first person who falls over no matter what class we take, so you might want to go ahead and pretend that you don’t know me.

But, hey, you made it through! Apparently all that time on the elliptical and in the weight room has somehow translated itself into yoga benefit. Go ahead and ignore the pain in the back of your thighs.

Ok, let’s be honest here. The worst way to do yoga is if you don’t do it at all. Which is why I’m going to be back at that intermediate class last week. My yoga buddy will be out of town.

I’m sure this is just a coincidence.