Ask a Geeky Girl: How Best to Kill a Computer

Guy Incognito writes:

I hate my work laptop and I want a new one. The IT department says that I’m stuck with this one until it breaks. What can I do to it so they’ll be forced to give me un upgrade? I don’t want to get fired for damaging company property.

Ok, first off Guy (if that is your real name), I would never advocate intentionally damaging something that belongs to someone else. Especially if that someone else if that someone else doles out your paychecks. If your IT department thinks that your current laptop is fine, it’s probably adequate for doing your job. If you want something spiffy to play video games on, you might want to get your own.

That said, there are a few things that can quickly kill a computer:

• Excessive heat
• Excessive humidity
• Excessive dust
• A quick descent from a very tall height

Because you have no desire to be fired for cause (and, in this economy, who does?), that last one is right out. The others could probably be chalked up to stupidity. So, I’m going to go ahead and suggest that you start doing lots of work next to a poorly ventilated, dirty indoor pool.

(In case you can’t tell, the idea that you would intentionally destroy company property is most definitely a joke.)

For the rest of you, who have no desire to cheat the system and/or kill your computers, I’m going to suggest the opposite approach. It really is true that, aside from a terrible fall, the very best way to kill your computer is to let it get dusty, overheat, or spend too much time in a humid environment. Don’t leave your computer sitting where somebody could knock it over. Don’t use it as home plate for softball games. Don’t play “catch the computer.” You also might want to try the following:

• Keep your laptop well-ventilated. Laptops aren’t made to be used while resting them on a down comforter. If you have to work/play Snood in bed, get a laptop stand. You want to keep the side vents of your laptop free and clear. There are vents and fans that need to blow hot air out. They don’t work very well if the hot air has nowhere to go. If your laptop is hot enough that it feels uncomfortable resting on your bare skin, give it a rest. Let it cool down completely before you use it again. Prolonged use while overheated will eventually damage your computer.
• Always keep your computer as dust-free as possible. Dust inside your computer can eventually take out any number of sensitive components. Be aware of where your computer spends most of its time. If it’s in a room that needs frequent vacuuming/sweeping/dusting you should be doing the same for the inside of your computer. If you’re uncomfortable working with computer hardware, you can get a can of compressed air and blow it into the air vents. This will clear out the bulk of the dust. If you’re comfortable opening your computer up, get in there with your compressed air and blow every last speck of dust out. If the idea of any sort of cleaning involving your computer scares you, move it to a room that has fewer dust bunnies.
• Keep an eye on the humidity of the area where you’re using your computer. I once had an end-user who was a swim coach. She had no choice about humidity, because her office was located right next to the pool. We had to replace her computer frequently. If you have the choice, move your computer to a room that has a low humidity and temperature. There’s a reason that server rooms have dedicated air-conditioning. Computers don’t function well in high heat or humidity. If your apartment gets hot/humid in the summer, turn your computer completely off and go get yourself some ice cream.

If you follow these simple instructions, you should keep your computer running better and longer. If you don’t? Well, your IT department might decide that they don’t like you very much.