Dear Girl-Who-I-Almost-Ran-Over-Yesterday,
I’m not sure if you are aware of this (you didn’t appear to be all that aware of pretty much anything), but you very nearly qualified for a Darwin Award last night. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but the only reason that you’re still breathing through your mouth is that I was smart enough to anticipate your incredible stupidity.
You see, I saw you crossing the street, shoulders hunched, thumbs furiously texting and I told myself, “Self, I bet that girl is going to walk in front of your vehicle without looking. You’d better slow down and proceed and with caution.”
And, lo and behold, you finished crossing the intersection and then meandered off the curb and back into traffic. Right into the path of my on-coming vehicle. Luckily for you, my spidey-sense is fully functional. I promptly braked and then watched you walk across the street. With your head down. Still texting. Apparently the angry glare that I was giving you was successful, because you felt the heat of its ire and (finally) looked up. And what was my thanks for not squashing you like a bug?
“Fuck you, I’m in a crosswalk.”
To which I hastily replied, “Why don’t you LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING?!?!”
Given the benefit of the benefit of the ability to draw your attention away from your phone for more than 17 seconds I would have explained this to you:
I had a green light.
You had a “Do Not Walk” signal.
Crosswalks do not, as of yet, have magical force-field technologies that will prevent you from being squashed like a bug by on-coming vehicles.
In other words…
I was right.
You were wrong.
Even if our rightness and wrongness had been reversed, it wouldn’t have mattered , because you still would have been dead. Expired. Deceased. No more. An ex-parrot (or idiot), if you will. Bereft of life. Gone to meet your maker. Most certainly not pining for the fjords.
To better illustrate my point, I have attached the following MS Paint Diagram:
As you can see, I was making a right on GREEN. You were ignoring a DO NOT WALK sign. Also, my truck is awesome. And you are a total mouth breather.
In the future, I would suggest that you put your phone away while doing such things as crossing the street, cooking bacon and operating heavy machinery. Because, while Mr. Darwin might approve of cleaning you out of the gene pool, I haven’t killed anybody yet and I have no intentions of doing so in the future. Plus, I kindof like my truck and would hate to see it impounded as evidence.
Sincerely Yours,
The Girl Who Didn’t Kill You Last Night
The MS Paint diagram makes this story go from good, to awesome, like your truck!
🙂
The “mouth breather” is what made that for me. Honestly, you would have done the world a favor…
She had a ‘Don’t Walk’ sign? Around here it would have been a ‘Walk’ sign, and then a crowd of international students would have stepped off the curb while I was making my perfectly legal right turn on green, and we would have stared at each other with confusion because both of our signs said to go, before I win by default because my car is bigger than they are.
I don’t know what’s technically right though. If the walker has a ‘Walk’ sign and the driver is turning right on green, who has the right of way? I don’t know these things, we Southerners don’t walk. We like to drive our gas guzzlers as many miles as possible every day; gotta do our part in destroying the environment!
In Washington state, if you had hit her, she would have been given a jaywalking ticket, and you would have been liable for her injuries and possibly facing criminal charges. This is because (here, at least) pedestrians always have the right of way, then bicycles, then motorcycles, then cars and trucks on equal footing, regardless of what the lights are like – exceptions are made for total fucking stupidity, such as running a red light at 80mph on a motorcycle and smearing yourself into strawberry jam on the side of a semi. Dunno what rules are like out in your neck of the woods.
I’ve always been told that you can yield the right of way, but it’s not so clever to try to assert it. :p
If she had been paying attention at all, I would have stopped to let her cross the street without even thinking about it. It’s the fact that she gave no indication that she was about to walk into oncoming traffic. And that she just assumed that anyone coming along would stop for her.
I didn’t glare at her for crossing so much as for being so completely oblivious to the fact that a less defensive driver than me very likely would have run right into her. I’ve always been good about anticipating the stupidity of others, it’s saved me from several accidents. She seriously gave no indication that she was about to walk right into traffic.
Crosswalks are great and all and as someone who doesn’t drive much, I definitely am aware of stopping for pedestrians. But it’s just silly to assume that being in a crosswalk will magically protect you from getting run over!
I would have been completely and utterly devastated if I had hit her. It was really unfair of her to put me in that position.
If she’d had a “walk” sign, she would have had the right of way. Pedestrian > car when it comes to the right of way. You’re supposed to yield to those who are squishier than you.
Around here, you usually don’t get a walk signal unless the lights facing in both directions are red. I always thought that a walk signal where a car could be making a right on green is just asking for trouble!
You should have hit her to teach her a lesson.
For what it’s worth, I still think she was an idiot. 😉
That’s something that we can all agree on!
No moment is more teachable than that wait for the ambulance…
I think what gets me the most in this story is not that she was a totally clueless, texting, oblivious smackass, but that her response was “Fuck you. I’m in a crosswalk.” I try to keep a leash on road rage and not respond in kind because escalating the situation doesn’t really resolve anything. However, I would have been tempted to respond either, “Fuck you. I’m in a truck!” or “Fuck you harder. Being in a crosswalk doesn’t save you from being an asshole.” OR “Is that what you want on your tombstone when the next driver doesn’t stop in time?”
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