… Here is your schadenfreude.
If you are not so into schadenfreude, I should warn you that this post contains copious amounts of whining.
I split my favorite jeans on Sunday. And I’m not talking the “oops, I got stuck on something and they ripped, tee hee” kind of splitting. No, I sat down and I heard that horrible ripping sound and the inside of my pant leg came busting open like a bat out of hell. I’m guessing that this has happened to a lot of people. The assault on your senses of that horrible ripping sound. The shame of outgrowing your pants. The fear that someone will see your skin poking through the large hole that you just created. The frustration of ruining your most expensive (and favorite!) pair of jeans.
I suppose that this is good motivation for me. I’ve been terrible about eating junk lately. Which is compounded by the fact that I still can’t run. The weather has been terrible this past week, which just makes me crave sweets even more than usual. I could justify it all by saying that it wasn’t a problem, because hey! my clothes all still fit. Now, when I contemplate walking over to the bookstore and buying chocolate, I remember that horrible feeling of my pants splitting open and I get a glass of water instead.
Why did it have to be that particular pair of jeans? They were Lucky Jeans and they were super cute. They cost me $108 and that is way more than I have ever spent on a pair of pants. They were my reward for losing so much weight last time around. And that is just salt in the wound.
I hate that we, as a society have to deal with the mixed messages of “Eat all this processed crap full of HFCS” and “Your life is not worth living if you’re larger than a size 4.” Our culture provides us with an arsenal of methods to fat ourselves to death and then it vilifies us for it. There’s some sort of weird disconnect going on here and I must admit that I’m not immune to it. Are any of us, really? I know that I’m generally happier when I avoid sugar and processed food. I know that my back doesn’t hurt when I’m at a healthy weight. I also know that, at a healthy weight, I probably don’t meet a lot of people’s expectations in terms of “girl who would look good in a bikini.” And that it’s all too easy to get discouraged and make a trip to the bookstore for a package of peanut butter M&Ms.
I’m also fully aware that I complain an awful lot about being a weight that probably half of America would kill to be at. I have to remind myself constantly that I’m not actually obese. I just weigh more than I would like to. I’m pretty sure that I would feel a lot better in terms of my knee and my back if I lost about ten pounds. And, yeah, I would like to have the confidence to wear a bikini this Summer. But, I’m on the upper end of a healthy weight and there should be no shame in that. Note, I said “should be” and not “isn’t any.”
Kristian saw my jeans in the trash and convinced me to try and salvage them. But, I think that I need to let them go.
And promise myself a new pair for when I get back into my healthier eating habits.
And, erm, hopefully lose some weight.
Look at some place like TJ Maxx or Marshall’s (or whatever closeout stores you have in your area). I got a pair of Lucky jeans for $35 at Marshall’s. It makes me love them even more!
The weight thing…I am with you. My company paid for Weight Watchers, and I felt like people in those meetings (1) hated me, and (2) thought I had an eating disorder. I’m not large by most people’s standards, but I know my body and know what looks best for me and this is not it. It is so frustrating though, I have horrible carb cravings (thanks hormones!) and can seriously fluctuate 5-10 lbs in a month. Men seem to be able to lose weight just thinking about it, but they aren’t the ones constantly surrounded by “must be size 4” message. I can think of a handful of TV shows and movies off the top of my head that actually pair chubby guys with slim women, just sending out the message that it’s fine for guys to chunk up but not for women. All of the messages are just so confusing, and everything seems to focus on size and not on health.
Wow, this got a little long-winded, and I didn’t even go into the processed food stuff. 😉
Kristian saw my jeans in the trash and convinced me to try and salvage them. But, I think that I need to let them go.
Save them and get them patched. I just got a couple pairs patched after splitting the crotch and letting them sit around. There’s nothing like getting a great pair of pants back that were written off.
As to the weight, you have to go with what makes you feel good about yourself (don’t go too far). It doesn’t matter if you aren’t obese, if you aren’t happy with your weight, nothing feels right.
i get so upset when my favourite jeans die. 🙁 for a long time my jeans always wore out from inner thigh friction and i hated it.
the knee thing is uber frustrating, i really know how you feel and there’s nothing for it but patience. and upper body workouts 🙂 actually have you tried a bike? for my knee, biking was fine, but i know sometimes the patellar thing is bad for biking too.