March 2024
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That’s the Price I Pay For Loving You the Way That I Do

Billy Bragg lyrics as blog title. I feel like a seventeen year old again. A very emo seventeen year old. Not that they had emo kids back in the day when dinosaurs ruled the earth and I was quoting random lyrics in my AIM away messages.

This is going to be a disjointed blog post. Deal.

Yeah, that new sim card. I’m still getting no service on my phone. We’re not going to talk about it. We’re just… not going to talk about it.

Oh. And this blog post? Is going to contain a lot of navel gazing. Sorry. I promise to make it all up to you tomorrow with funny pictures.

I was talking to a friend today about some things that have been stressing me out and he said something along the lines of, “You know, things would be much easier if you didn’t care so much.” Sadly, I think that he’s right. My life is pretty fricking sweet right now. Beautiful house (gettin’ more beautiful all the time), steady job, boyfriend who loves me and makes dinner and does the majority of the laundry. Sure, I’d like a working iPhone. And, yeah, I’d be a lot happier if either a) Kristian bought me some bling or 2) everyone would stop asking me when Kristian is going to buy me some bling (semi-serious/snarky answer: when you all stop pestering him!).

But, all in all, my life is not so bad right now. In fact, on a scale of one to awesome, I’d say that it rates a solid eight. It just might creep up to nine when we finish the third floor of our house.

And yet… I worry.

About things that I have no business worrying about.

About people who probably should be worried. But aren’t. Possibly because, hey, Hope is doing all the hard work and getting the worrying out of the way. Who needs to worry? I’ve got it all taken care of. 

And this got me thinking… what is the upside for me when it comes to caring too much? I mean, all of my other personality flaws have their bright sides. Sure, I’m overly sensitive – but it helps me to write some damn good songs. And, yeah, I tend to be a bit of a steamroller – but I get shit done. I’m sure that I could even find a bright side to my excessive TV watching. All of those producers have families to feed. Or something.

But what exactly do I get out of caring too much? Pretty much just a bunch of stress and some nights where I probably could have slept better. Unlike my former years, I’m a stress eater. So, yeah, eye circles and tighter jeans. Who wouldn’t want to sign up for that?

On a macro level, put a whole bunch of people who care too much together and I’m sure that everyone would benefit. Neighbors would look out for each other. The service industries would all start offering real service. Nobody would ever go hungry. But, it feels like we don’t live in a world like that. 

And, so, I’m stuck wondering what the answer to my question is.

What is the upside of caring too much?

And I don’t think that it’s to stop caring.

4 comments to That’s the Price I Pay For Loving You the Way That I Do

  • I think caring too much does benefit everyone, even when it seems like no one in the world ever thinks about anyone else. People naturally mimic and reflect what is around them, so your caring rubs off. You just have to care for yourself first (and I think people sometimes confuse that and take it to mean you have to care for yourself *most*, but that’s not really it.)

    It’s easy to get discouraged and feel like people are taking advantage of your kindness and care. I just keep telling myself they’re subconsciously mimicking my sympathy and concern, whether they want to or not. 😉

  • It’s easy to get discouraged – I think that’s the very nature of caring the way you do. Aldous Huxley (and hi, here I am being my high school self too) said, “It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one’s life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than ‘Try to be a little kinder.'” Ultimately, that’s the only real currency we have as humans, and it’s important to be the kind and beautiful person you are – the world, literally, needs it.

    I started realizing that what was making me unhappy was dwelling too much in the past or worrying excessively about my future. Doing that was stripping the joy out of my present, which is ultimately what comprises the other two, thus guaranteeing that all of my existence would be joyless. So yknow, don’t forget to find joy in your present and enjoy it for exactly what it is. Also, hugs and chin up and suchlike!

  • Its really annoying to me how much pressure people/society place on you if you’re committed but not married…take it from someone in a ten-year relationship with no ring! If it doesn’t bother me it shouldn’t bother anyone else….

  • […] other day my friend Hope joked about quoting Billy Bragg lyrics as a blog title, and it reminded me that […]

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