Book Report Friday: Loving Emma

Loving Emma: A Story of Reluctant Motherhood by Carol A. Ortlip is one of the few memoirs that I’ve read where I finished the book, put it down and then said to myself “Wow, self, the author of this book has not always been the nicest of people. And she pretty much laid it out there. She wrote a book that said ‘Hey, world, my name is Carol and I haven’t always been the nicest of people.'” And, to be honest, I have a lot of respect for her putting herself out there like that. She paints a picture of herself, warts and all, that is both über honest and relentlessly self-critical. 

Loving Emma is the story of a lesbian couple, Carol and Gemma who suddenly find themselves with custody of Emma, Gemma’s young niece. Emma’s mom is too drug addicted to take care of her own daughter and they pretty much feel like they have no choice but to take her in. Well, Gemma is happy to take care of her niece, but Carol is left feeling that she doesn’t have much choice in the matter. Carol is a special needs teacher who never wanted any children of her own and she doesn’t exactly take to motherhood like a fish to water. In fact, she pretty much hates motherhood and everything that comes along with it. 

Throughout Ortlip’s memoir, we see how an act of kindness and compassion (taking in Emma and raising her as their own) can lead to tension and strife. Carol and Gemma fight. Carol and Gemma fight a lot. Carol says all sorts of horrible things that she can never take back. Carol descends into alcoholism. Carol manages to climb onto the wagon. Carol falls off of the wagon. A lot. 

While this might seem like it could be a total bummer of a story, the book itself is surprisingly uplifting. Ortlip might not hesitate to illuminate each and every single one of her many flaws, but she makes it quite clear that she has always and will always love Emma. I mean, it’s right there in the title of the book, just in case you forget. Bringing a child into their relationship might not have exactly been kittens and rainbows, but it’s not exactly the War of the Roses either. 

I have a lot of respect for a woman who can write a memoir and is capable of being self critical. I read a lot of memoirs that paint a fuzzy picture of someone who has been dealt a bad hand and has never, ever, ever, seriously, I mean it, never, ever done anything wrong. I enjoy these memoirs, but I always wonder if I’m getting the whole picture. Ortlip could certainly be bending the truth in this one, but nobody could accuse her of romanticizing her own story. That takes a certain amount of bravery and one very thick skin.

I enjoyed this story, despite my desire to reach into the book and slap some sense into its narrator. And it’s a rare book that has this particular effect on me. Many have tried. Most have been tossed across the room in frustration. This book had that human element that I could relate to. I could sympathize with her frustrations. I could understand her personal demons. And I applauded all of the times that she got things right. And there were many things that she got right. The least of which was really, truly and deeply loving Emma.

This is not a feel-good Hallmark Special book with a lot of laughs and a happy ending. But, it’s a well written book. It’s an honest book. It’s a fascinating book. It’s a damn good book.