… The diet bet is over.
In the end, I ended up losing 7 or 8 pounds. It’s not quite as much as I’d hoped for, but it’s a lot more than zero pounds. More importantly, it changed the way I think and feel about food, and I think it’s going to make me happier and healthier in the long run.
First of all, I had no idea how often I was justifying to myself that it was ok to eat garbage until I had to stop myself and say “no, that’s not allowed.” I always knew I was an emotional eater, but I am seriously an emotional eater. Denying myself ice cream at the end of a rough day was not the most fun I’ve ever had, but it forced me to feel all of my feels and then deal with them… which I am undoubtedly going to be better off for in the long run.
(Perhaps not coincidentally, I recently took up crocheting. It’s a much better way to decompress at the end of a long day.)
Giving up sugar (even the fake kind!) also did a complete reset of my taste buds. My sister handed me an orange soda on Sunday and I couldn’t take more than a couple sips of it. It tasted like hummingbird food! I ended up pouring the rest of it out. A lot of the things that I thought I’d be excited to eat again are just way too damn sweet for me now.
(Cookies, thankfully, are still delicious.)
I indulged in some lemonade yesterday (sweet! sweet! OMG so sweet!) and the last of a chocolate bar that Kristian very thoughtfully purchased for me to enjoy after my half-marathon. But now I think I’m back on the wagon. At some point during the four months of no-junk-food, it just kinda… became the way I ate. I don’t think about it too much. I’m just not interested in diet coke or microwave popcorn. I’m sure that there will be some back-sliding. And, as the Flying Spaghetti Monster is my witness, I will never be the only person not eating cake at a birthday party again. But I’m hoping to mostly stick with what I’ve been eating. It works for me.
(Plus, I still have at least 10-15 more pounds to lose.)
(Sob.)
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why this bet was so successful for us (my sister lost 10 pounds, and she was a lot smaller than me to begin with. She looks phenomenal.). I think it’s mostly because the two of us are this weird mix of hyper-competitive and hyper-supportive with each other. Neither one of us wanted to be the one that couldn’t hack it. But we also encouraged each other along the way.
(Plus there was a time or two where we mutually agreed that it was ok to do something like order margaritas or get frozen yogurt.)
Before the diet bet, I often justified eating some crappy food by saying “well, I can probably still lose weight if I eat this.” Once the bet started? I couldn’t hide behind any justifications. I wasn’t looking at the ends, only at the means. And the ends kinda just sorted themselves out naturally.
I think it also helped that we were giving up junk, not just cutting calories. I have a love/hate relationship with my postpartum body, so I think it was far better for me to tap into feelings of “this is healthier for you” instead of “don’t eat that donut if you ever want to wear your old dresses again.” It shifted my attitude about eating into a more positive direction. And, oddly enough, it made me enjoy my food a lot more. Processed food is engineered to make us all want to eat lots and lots and lots of it, but it’s not actually all that tasty. And my husband is a phenomenal cook.
As a side bonus, I’m hoping that having a mom who doesn’t sweat this stuff will help Lilian to avoid the food and body image issues that I somehow saddled myself with along the way. It took me years to get to the point where a meal felt complete without dessert. I want her to be able to enjoy treats in moderation, but also to eat a healthy meal and feel done at the end of it. I also hope that she never beats herself up half as much as I do about my weight. But, that’s probably a different post for a different day.
About a month into the bet, I was starting to worry about what I’d gotten myself into. Now? I am overwhelmed with gratitude towards my sister for suggesting it.