Being pregnant is a little bit like having bizarre and somewhat annoying super powers. For example, my nails grow really, really quickly. Like, scary quickly. Which, now that I think about it, was a lame super power that Meg Griffin had on an episode of the Family Guy. I’m not sure what the biological function of quick growing nails is, but I guess I could claw my way out of anything at this point.<\/p>\n
My hair is also growing at a rate that is quickly turning it into a long and luscious set of locks. I am enjoying it while I can, because I’m told that a good chunk of it falls out after you give birth.<\/p>\n
I also have the ability to smell like a bloodhound. It’s pretty nifty to step onto the freight elevator at work and be able to tell the operator that you know he just finished off a bag of french fries, with no tell-tale evidence in sight. Not so nifty when you’re stuck in close proximity with a heavy smoker or someone who doesn’t use enough deodorant. Kristian and I went to a big box pet store the other day and I just about lost my damn mind.<\/p>\n
“Kristian, I don’t wish to alarm you, but EVERYTHING IN THIS STORE IS COVERED IN A FINE LAYER OF URINE!”<\/p>\n
Intellectually, I always knew that pets stores contain more than their fair share of animal bodily fluids. Olfactoraly, I had no idea how overwhelming it could be. Kristian just sortof looked at me like I was nuts. Which I pretty much am these days. If I chose to take advantage of it, the ability to cry at the drop of a hat could be used fairly effectively in an evil super villain sort of way.<\/p>\n
The super smell can be annoying when the smells are nasty, but it does make me an excellent<\/em> detector of spoiled milk. If Kristian isn’t sure about the carton in the fridge, he hands it to me and I can tell just from being in its general vicinity if it’s still drinkable. Which is pretty much the biological function of the pregnancy-induced super smell. You don’t want to be poisoning your unborn babies by consuming spoiled food! Our early ancestors were probably more concerned with rotting meat and the like, but I unleash my nose on our leftovers and everyone is much better off.<\/p>\n I believe I should mention that the ability to grow a fully-formed human being inside yourself is a pretty damn cool super power in and of itself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Being pregnant is a little bit like having bizarre and somewhat annoying super powers. For example, my nails grow really, really quickly. Like, scary quickly. Which, now that I think…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[52,34,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3110","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gummybear","category-kristian","category-random"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5yggS-Oa","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3110","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3110"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3110\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3113,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3110\/revisions\/3113"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3110"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3110"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3110"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}