{"id":2692,"date":"2011-03-30T11:21:15","date_gmt":"2011-03-30T15:21:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/?p=2692"},"modified":"2011-03-30T11:21:15","modified_gmt":"2011-03-30T15:21:15","slug":"im-tired-of-these-mother-neighbors-in-my-mother-parking-spot","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/im-tired-of-these-mother-neighbors-in-my-mother-parking-spot\/","title":{"rendered":"I&#8217;m Tired of These Mother$%@%! Neighbors in my Mother$%@%! Parking Spot"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>So, do you remember our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/?p=1545\">neighbors who like to shout about blow jobs at 11 o&#8217;clock at night<\/a>? Well, they&#8217;re back. With a vengeance.<\/p>\n<p>They&#8217;re like an aging action hero with an iron-clad contract.<\/p>\n<p>You just can&#8217;t get rid of them.<\/p>\n<p>The latest wackiness? They apparently think that they own the parking spot in front of <em>our<\/em> house. Because they shoveled it. About a million years ago when there was still snow on the ground.<\/p>\n<p>(Please don&#8217;t remind me of the impending snow storm this weekend. I will weep loudly and forcefully and it will be embarrassing for all of us).<\/p>\n<p>Ok, let&#8217;s look at all of the facts:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>This parking spot is on a public street<\/li>\n<li>Directly in front of our house<\/li>\n<li>The snow melted about a month ago<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Look, I feel for the woman. Really, I do. It must be <em>hard<\/em> to be so <em>incredibly lazy<\/em> that the thought of walking an extra 12 feet to get to your car is enough to cause you to honk and yell at your neighbors. There is a winter parking ban on our street, which means that she can&#8217;t park on her side of the street. Which means that she has to park on our side of the street, a whole, entire 10 feet away. And then we have the cheek, the gall, the <em>nerve<\/em> to park in front of our own house. And she is forced to park illegally in front of her own house so that she doesn&#8217;t have to walk any more than is absolutely necessary. And then the parking tickets just start piling up.<\/p>\n<p>Or, she is forced to yell at Kristian until he moves his car to the next spot over. Something which he is never, ever allowed to do ever again or I will leave him and take the pets with me.<\/p>\n<p>We shoveled out several spots on our street this winter. I had <em>no idea<\/em> that I could claim them for ever and ever and ever (amen!). I can&#8217;t <em>wait<\/em> to yell at the next person who parks in one of &#8220;my&#8221; spots. Our neighbors should all just go ahead and sell their cars right now. Because, by the time I&#8217;m done, there won&#8217;t be any available street parking for a 10 block radius. I&#8217;m fueled by chutzpah and my own sense of entitlement. And I own like seven different shovels.<\/p>\n<p>I wouldn&#8217;t take someone&#8217;s freshly shoveled parking spot. That&#8217;s a dick move, right there. But a few days after a storm? All bets are off. And long after the snow has melted? I&#8217;m pretty sure that people have been placed on the psych ward for delusions less crazy than that one.<\/p>\n<p>The winter parking ban switches sides next year. Which means that we will all be forced to park on her side of the street. I&#8217;m sure she&#8217;s going to love it when I shovel out the spot in front of <em>her<\/em> house. Because then I&#8217;m leaving my truck parked there until April.<\/p>\n<p>You can not out crazy me. You can not out bitch me.<\/p>\n<p>You just can&#8217;t.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So, do you remember our neighbors who like to shout about blow jobs at 11 o&#8217;clock at night? Well, they&#8217;re back. With a vengeance. They&#8217;re like an aging action hero&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2692","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-grumble","category-random"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5yggS-Hq","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2692","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2692"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2692\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2696,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2692\/revisions\/2696"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2692"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2692"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2692"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}