{"id":2397,"date":"2010-12-23T20:27:07","date_gmt":"2010-12-24T01:27:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/?p=2397"},"modified":"2010-12-23T20:27:07","modified_gmt":"2010-12-24T01:27:07","slug":"elfing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/elfing\/","title":{"rendered":"Elfing."},"content":{"rendered":"

Pro Tip<\/strong>: When someone asks you about where they might procure a difficult to find Christmas present, the correct answer is “[Store1], [store2] or [store3].” The correct answer is not<\/em>, “Oh, I’ll pick one up for you.” Especially when you’re already done with your own Christmas shopping.<\/p>\n

Pro Tip<\/strong>: I am an idiot.<\/p>\n

It took half my day just to get<\/em> to the mall today. And then, when I finally arrived there, I was so tired of sitting in traffic, I felt to compelled to buy more than just that one Christmas present. This is how we’re going to find our way into economic recovery, people. Angry shopping. It’s the American way.<\/p>\n

In better news, my new Chuck Taylors are adorable<\/em>.<\/p>\n

In even better news, shopping burns a ton of calories. You know, with all of the walking and the holding of heavy presents and the dodging of mall security zooming around on their Segways. Which means that I very well might have offset a good 17% of the Christmas cookie calories that I consumed today. We just won’t talk about the entire bag of Clementines that arrived at our house last night and is now empty. Kristian didn’t eat any and the dog doesn’t like citrus.<\/p>\n

If you are what you eat, I’m staying away from foaming brines<\/a>.<\/p>\n

(Somebody, please tell me that you got that joke).<\/p>\n

In the best of news, not one creature has thrown up all over my nice, clean house<\/a>. I’m tempted to make a bulimia joke, but that would just be in poor taste.<\/p>\n

(Get it? Taste?).<\/p>\n

(I have none).<\/p>\n

I have one handcrafted gift to finish, one guest room to tidy up, one table to pick up from my Mom’s house and a couple of presents to wrap. And then? I’m going to declare myself to be officially ready for Christmas. Which means that it will be time for Kristian’s Mom to get me all drunk on gl\u00f6gg<\/a>. She makes it with vodka and it comes in these little, tiny glasses and she’s always so insistent<\/em> that you have another one. Last year I was a good little guest and accepted all gl\u00f6gg that was offered to me. Which is why Kristian had to make a plate for me when everyone else went up to the sm\u00f6rg\u00e5sbord<\/a>. Me? I stayed sitting on the couch, pretending to be completely sober. I think that I was at least partially successful. I’m invited back, after all.<\/p>\n

I do plan to spend the rest of this evening watching Law and Order streamed from Netflix. It’s just my way of pretending that my sister, Allison, is here to celebrate with us.<\/p>\n

(Shaking my fist at the airlines and the high cost of plane tickets from California to Boston).<\/p>\n

If I’m too busy\/tired\/drunk to post before then, I hope that you all have wonderful Christmases. For those of you who don’t celebrate Christmas, I hope that you enjoy your Chinese Food and that the wait is not too long.<\/p>\n

Happy Holidays!<\/p>\n

\"Merry<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Pro Tip: When someone asks you about where they might procure a difficult to find Christmas present, the correct answer is “[Store1], [store2] or [store3].” The correct answer is not,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[41,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2397","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-holidays","category-random"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s5yggS-elfing","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2397","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2397"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2397\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2404,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2397\/revisions\/2404"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2397"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2397"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2397"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}