{"id":1566,"date":"2009-09-28T11:24:33","date_gmt":"2009-09-28T16:24:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/?p=1566"},"modified":"2009-09-28T11:25:02","modified_gmt":"2009-09-28T16:25:02","slug":"i-need-a-haircut-desperately","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/i-need-a-haircut-desperately\/","title":{"rendered":"I Need a Haircut. Desperately."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>My hair is currently so shaggy, I could pass as Cousin It if I combed it just right. I finally said &#8220;Uncle&#8221; to my roots last night and died my hair back to some semblance if its natural color. Which was somewhat scary and depressing, since my hair hasn&#8217;t been any semblance of its natural color since about 1993.<\/p>\n<p>Heck, my hair hasn&#8217;t had much of a semblance to ANY natural color since about 1993.<\/p>\n<p>I love, love, <em>love <\/em>being a redhead but I can&#8217;t really handle the two-pronged commitment of a color that fades unbelievably quickly and hair that grows so fast my roots start to show in a couple of weeks.<\/p>\n<p>So, the combination of hair in desperate need of some scissors and my burgeoning identity crises over normal hair has me craving a totally funky haircut. And I may or may not be seriously considering adding some purple streaks.<\/p>\n<p>So, because I am lazy, I&#8217;m asking you, Internets, to find me a picture that I can show my stylist and say, &#8220;Please give me a haircut that looks something like this.&#8221; My requirements are few, but they are firm:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Must be suitable for curly hair<\/li>\n<li>Must be (relatively) low maintenance<\/li>\n<li>Must frame my (heart-shaped) face in a manner that could be construed as flattering<\/li>\n<li>Must be able to handle the fact that my hair grows at a rate of approximately 17 feet a week. And I am terrible about forgetting to go in for cuts.<\/li>\n<li>Must make me look totally awesome<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As a corellary to the awesome, my haircut:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Must not make me look like a soccer mom<\/li>\n<li>Must not make me look like I stuck my finger in an electric socket<\/li>\n<li>Must not make me look back on it fifteen years from now and say, &#8220;What in holy hell was I thinking?!?!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Also, I don&#8217;t do bangs. No sir. No how. No way. Not up for discussion. My hair detects the presence of bangs and then automatically curls itself up in such a way as to make it appear that I am heading to my local mall sometime in the 1980&#8217;s&#8230; and I&#8217;m wearing acid-washed jeans. I wish that I was kidding, but I&#8217;m not. All bangs on me become mall bangs. It&#8217;s an immutable law of physics.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m thinking shoulder length, but that&#8217;s totally negotiable.<\/p>\n<p>So far, google has let me down completely.<\/p>\n<p>Unless I want to look like a poodle.<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/_9Zf_P9g6cuo\/SJU9EVTnohI\/AAAAAAAAA00\/cA0qvm-L3QY\/s400\/long-haircuts-5.jpg?resize=269%2C400\" alt=\"\" width=\"269\" height=\"400\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Which&#8230;. no. Just&#8230; no.<\/p>\n<p>This is what my face looks like:<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"IMG_5562 by hopers, on Flickr\" href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/hopers\/3868116743\/\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm3.static.flickr.com\/2527\/3868116743_a9a718acee.jpg?resize=500%2C333\" alt=\"IMG_5562\" width=\"500\" height=\"333\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m the one, at the bottom, attempting (unsuccessfully) to hide my horrible roots with a headband. Looking through photos for a picture of me to post, I&#8217;m struck by how terrible my hair always seems to look. Which is both enlightening and depressing.<\/p>\n<p>So&#8230; I need a new haircut. Desperately.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ll send a whole package of cookies to the person who gives me the best suggestion.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My hair is currently so shaggy, I could pass as Cousin It if I combed it just right. I finally said &#8220;Uncle&#8221; to my roots last night and died my&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1566","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-photos","category-random"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5yggS-pg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1566","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1566"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1566\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1571,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1566\/revisions\/1571"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1566"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1566"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1566"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}