Ah Facebook, let me tell you about Facebook.<\/p>\n
I have over 600 friends on facebook. Why? Because I crave validation. Also, I apparently know too many people. But, mostly, I crave validation. I have over 600 friends! People must liiiiiiiike meeeeeeeeeeeee.<\/p>\n
I love facebook, because it gives me the ability to see who got married, who get pregnant and who just got a puppy. It’s like societally approved stalking. And who wouldn’t want to know that their exes all got fat?<\/p>\n
Personally, my exes all got not <\/em>fat… but I choose to believe that the ones without accounts are all just hiding their shame.<\/p>\n I will leave the form of said shame as a creative writing exercise for my readers.<\/p>\n You know what I don’t like<\/em> about facebook? The 7,362 application requests that I get a day. I’m irrationally amused by Super Poke and I like getting tagged in (flattering, they had better be flattering) photos but I don’t want to find out what 80’s movie character I am,\u00a0 I don’t want you to plaster bumper sticker slogans all over my facebook page and, even though I don’t wish any ill on the rainforest (in fact, I wish all the best for the rainforest) I don’t have any desire to click on L’iL Green Patch links 72 times a day.<\/p>\n There, I said it, I’m ignoring all of your L’il Green Patch requests.<\/p>\n Yes, we will all die of global warming and its all my fault.<\/p>\n My L’il Green Patch is probably being eaten by virtual birds as we speak.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Ah Facebook, let me tell you about Facebook. I have over 600 friends on facebook. Why? Because I crave validation. Also, I apparently know too many people. But, mostly, I…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2,19],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1290","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random","category-the-great-blog-off"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5yggS-kO","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1290","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1290"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1290\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1293,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1290\/revisions\/1293"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1290"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1290"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1290"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}