{"id":1248,"date":"2009-04-05T21:19:57","date_gmt":"2009-04-06T02:19:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/?p=1248"},"modified":"2009-04-05T21:19:57","modified_gmt":"2009-04-06T02:19:57","slug":"my-neuroses-let-me-show-you-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/my-neuroses-let-me-show-you-them\/","title":{"rendered":"My Neuroses, Let Me Show You Them"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi! I’m Hope and Kristian’s dishwasher. I decided to break on Saturday. Because, you know, the best time for a dishwasher to break down is right before Guy’s Night. <\/p>\n

\"Busted<\/a><\/p>\n

It’s not like guy’s generate an obscene amount of…<\/p>\n

Hi! I’m a small part of the large mass of dishes generated by guys night. I am currently hanging out on the kitchen counter. Being all clutter-y. Driving Hope crazy. She could wash me. But that would make too much sense. She is much better at complaining than she is at washing things.<\/p>\n

\"photo.jpg\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Hi! I’m the dish soap. I live next to the hand-soap. That is my home. That is where I belong. That is where I am happy.<\/p>\n

\"photo.jpg\"<\/a><\/p>\n

This is me hanging out in the middle of the kitchen counter. <\/p>\n

\"photo.jpg\"<\/a><\/p>\n

What is dish soap doing in the middle of the kitchen counter, you might ask. A very good question. Thank you for asking. I am on the middle of the kitchen counter because Kristian claims that it is “easier.” Yes. Easier. <\/p>\n

Easier to drive Hope crazy.<\/p>\n

Errr….. Crazier.<\/p>\n

Hi! I am the object formerly known as “The Bathroom Doorknob.” I am currently in pieces. <\/p>\n

\"photo.jpg\"<\/a><\/p>\n

You know what makes guy’s night that much better? <\/p>\n

A bunch of drunk guys getting constantly trapped in the bathroom.<\/p>\n

Actually, come to think of it, they all found it hilarious.<\/p>\n

Other things that were hilarious? Spiced rum. Off-key singing. And one guy’s crazy new roommate. <\/p>\n

Tonight, I (doorknob) committed ritual seppuku by throwing myself down onto the bathroom floor and shattering into a bazillion little tiny pieces. I just couldn’t take a life of being constantly screwed back together only to come apart in some poor schlub’s hand, trapping them in the bathroom. Constantly trapping people in the bathroom.<\/p>\n

It’s been one crazy weekend around these parts!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi! I’m Hope and Kristian’s dishwasher. I decided to break on Saturday. Because, you know, the best time for a dishwasher to break down is right before Guy’s Night. It’s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3,4,2,19],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1248","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-grumble","category-photos","category-random","category-the-great-blog-off"],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5yggS-k8","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1248","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1248"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1248\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1256,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1248\/revisions\/1256"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1248"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1248"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hoperoth.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1248"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}